An open letter to pastors

    

This weekend Gary Lamb, one of the more popular pastors in the social networking world, admitted that he has been in an ongoing affair with his assistant. Following the direction of his church Overseers he resigned from the church he planted five years ago effective immediately. The damage his actions caused will continue for many years in the lives of hundreds of people. I do not know Gary personally but I have followed him on Twitter for the past year and have read his blog occasionally. I have no comment on his specific situation other than to say I am praying for his family, his church, the woman he has been involved with and for Gary.

    I do, however, want to comment on pastors shipwrecking their lives and the lives of their families. I have been involved in ministry all of my life, the past 27 as a staff member or pastor at three different churches, and I have seen stories like Gary's over and over. The details vary, but the end result is the same; total devastation. The key question is not what happened, but rather how can we avoid the same fate. Here are some random thoughts:

1. If you think you aren't vulnerable, you are already toast
   I had a counseling professor in college who said that the pastors who are in the most danger of a moral shipwreck are the ones who think it will never happen to them. If you think you are too honest, too faithful, or too transparent to ever be involved in an affair you are skating on very thin ice. David never thought he'd sleep with Bathsheba until he saw her naked; then he couldn't think of anything else. You can steal money, you can get involved in pornography, you can cheat on your spouse, and you can lie to your family. Every day of our lives we have to remind ourselves we are vulnerable to complete moral failure.
   
2. If you think you can burn the candle at both ends, you are already toast
   There are no super humans in ministry. When I read twitters of pastors who get up at 4:00 a.m. every day, who work seven days a week, who counsel people at night and on their "day off", I know that they are headed for a fall. God took a day off when he was creating the world, Jesus took a beach trip to Tyre and Sidon (Mark 7:24) during his ministry. Unless you know something God doesn't know you are headed for a major fall without regular downtime.
   
3. If you think you can do ministry without accountability, you are already toast
   The only "conversation" I ever had with Gary Lamb was a Twitter exchange over the importance of an accountability group. Gary felt that the Overseers of his church provided all the accountability he needed. My contention is that we need people who are face-to-face with us on a regular basis, who know our wives and our assistants, who can ask us the really tough questions. I don't know if the Overseers provided that for Gary or if a local group would have prevented his fall, but I do know that I need that kind of scrutiny in my life.

    

4. If you think you don't need safeguards, you are already toast
   Filters on internet access, never handling cash for the church, never meeting with someone of the opposite sex alone, letting others have access to your email; these are such a pain and to be honest I don't always have all of them active in my life. The reality is that safeguards will not keep you from doing what you have already decided to do, but they can give you enough margin to change your mind before you act.
   
5. If you think it's about you, you are already toast
   Failure begins with ego. When you begin to think that success is because you are smart, funny, talented, cool or a 100 other adjectives and not simply because God is God and has chosen to bless you; you are headed down a very dangerous path. When you being to think the ministry will crumble without you and that you have to work 24/7 to make it happen you are headed toward destruction. When you think the rules stop applying to you and you can cut corners and you are above it you are on a crash course for disaster.
   

As ministers we are in a marathon. If you do not pay attention to the danger signs along the way you will crash before the finish line. Your crash may be a spectacular moral failure like Gary's, it may be the slow destruction of your marriage, or it may be the rotting of your soul; but Satan will use ministry to destroy you. And God will not say to you in Heaven, "Too bad about your family, but awesome job building a great big church. Fist bump, dude."

Three things every pastor needs to do:

1. Slow down
   You will not change the world today and tomorrow isn't looking good either. There is plenty of time to hang with your wife, play with your kids, play golf, relax. God was at work long before you showed up and He will be at work long after you are gone. You cannot live on adrenaline all of the time. You cannot be pumped up about every weekend. If you live that way for an extended time you will crash.
2. Open up

   You need someone in your life who knows you inside and out; someone who will ask the hard questions and know when you are ducking the answers. It is difficult as a pastor to find someone you can be truly honest with, but it is essential that you find that person. Another pastor who does not attend your church might be ideal.

3. Count the cost

   Every time you are tempted to break a rule, to cut a corner, togo somewhere you shouldn't go consider what it will cost you when it all comes to light. What is going to happen when your wife finds out? How will she feel? What will it do to your children? What will this do to your church? How will it feel to write a letter like Gary had to write?

You don't wake up one day and decide to shipwreck your life. You do it one stupid decision at a time. As someone who has seen this happen again and again and again I am begging you to take action today because it will happen to you.

Comments

[Christopher Fontenot]

I never heard of Gary Lamb until I saw the story of his fall on Todd Rhoades' website. I went to Revolution Church's website and listened to just one sermon which he preached around the time he admitted the affair started. The first thing I noticed about Gary is he isn't expository in his preaching. You can tell there is little study in preparation for his message. Secondly, the language he uses dishonors his profession, not to mention the Lord. Thirdly, he seems to work hard for the entertainment value of the message than for the meat.

Todd posted a message by a preacher named Stacy Spencer. I found the exact same characteristics in what he preaches and the way he preaches. DO NOT be upset or surprised if this man falls in the same or similar fashion. These men are apostates and need to be called out for what they are as is Biblically mandated by Jude and 2 Peter. If we are truly Christians then the souls of the lost that sit in their congregations should be our first concern. Gary Lamb, Mark Driscoll (do we need to expound on his moronic teaching of oral sex?) and Stacy Spencer need to be called out, told to repent, and if they refuse...then we as true believers need to make sure that everyone knows who and what they are. Enough is enough!

[Kevin B. Bullard]

Geoff - very good post...thanks for the practicality. I've been teaching on affairs at church recently, and developed an assessment to help spouses measure how well they are affair-proofing their marriage. Some of your readers may find it helpful.

It is online at http://bit.ly/fOJIs

/kbb

[Rick Lawrenson]

Really good stuff, Geoff.

[Manuel L. ykes]

Bro. Gary,

Been there. Done that. If you need to talk, I am here. I know how God's crowd sometimes "shoots their wounded".

Manuel

[John]

i've had very little interaction with Gary. I've never been a fan of his ego or his lack of grace toward others at times. That being said, I hope and pray we all exhibit the overwhelming grace we know and cover him and everyone involved in much prayer. From the outside, we may not see how this is impacting peoples lives at Revolution, but I can guarantee there are MANY that are questioning their faith and wondering where this leaves them. Let's lift up the leaders and their actions and reactions to this so that the Kingdom will be built and God gets all the credit.

[Rod Sprauve]

Geoff, powerful post! It's full of truth and the kind of candor we need in what can be a very solitary walk in ministry.
No superman here, and I need to be constantly reminded of that. We can toast ourselves in an instant or slowly over time. I pray God's covering for Gary's family and restoration for him.

[mrspriest]

I am linking to you on this today, I am a PW saying thanks for a very good post.

[dave anderson]

best post to date on this sad event!

[Gypsy]

So what about the pastors who are toast... is there anyway to get un burned? Or should they just get a 9-5 job so they can focus more on their families?

[adam herod]

Good stuff Geoff. I'm just hearing this today, but praying for Gary, the life of Revolution Church and all involved.

[Brett Thompson]

Good thoughts and advice Geoff.

I for one, am taking inventory.

I feel like most of us (or just me) tend to fall into that 'slow destruction' mode quite easily. Slow or sudden, it's still destruction.

Thanks for the wake up.

[troy temple]

Geoff, thanks for the slap in the face...I'm not Superman.

[jay hardwick]

well said and spot on, geoff. thank you for the clear challenge and encouragement in light of this terrible situation. if we don't learn from this and make necessary changes, we're fools.

[Benny Salas]

WAKE-UP CALL .......AGAIN!

[Billy Ritchie]

Just Brilliant! Thanks

[Sean Boyd]

Geoff, this is seriously good stuff. Thanks for posting this.

[Travis]

Great advise, thanks.

[James Schollian]

Good advise for all professionals, including those of us who are not pastors.

Thanks for the good words,

James Schollian
Attorney at Law

[Josh Roberts]

Thanks so much for posting. As a young pastor, I need to be reminded of these things.

[Scott Williams]

Well said Geoff!

[Dr. Vincent Taylor]

Your message is timely, but most important it is on point. I strongly believe that Pastors and Preachers of The Gospel need to have accountability partners, persons who walk upright and serve faithfully.
I mentor three young men who are relatively new in ministry. When they asked me to serve as their mentor, I informed them that I would do more, I would serve as their accountability partner and I would be responsible for rining their bell if and whenever necessary.

[tam]

"You don't wake up one day and decide to shipwreck your life. You do it one stupid decision at a time"

so true.

thanks for your boldness here!

(got here by way of rich_p_nifong on tiwtter)

[Midge Edmond]

Right on. Praying for all involved and all you who lead...the devil comes to kill, steal and destroy. We all just keep forgetting that part of the story I guess.

[Don Ryan]

I have been grieved in my spirit all day over this. I am praying for Gary, his family and Revolution Church. Thanks for the practical reminders of how keep ourselves in check in ministry.

[Kevin]

Spot on. Thanks.